Miracle
by fuzzydream
Summary: A new event brings some changes into the lives of Mr and Mrs Bates. Spoilers for S3.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I won't lie: I've written this simply to indulge myself. I started this weeks ago, and I'm thinking it'll be a 3-5 chapters kind of story. I'm not sure when I'm updating again – I'll try to make it weekly – that is, if you enjoy this first chapter, of course! I'd love to know what you think of this. Spoilers for Series 3. This is supposed to be set around two or three months after the 2012 Christmas Special. Special thanks to my wonderful editor Terrie, who managed to edit this tonight when I decided I'd post it this weekend. :) Thank you for reading!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Downton Abbey.

* * *

_"There is such a special sweetness in being able to participate in creation."_ Pamela S. Nadav

* * *

Anna sighed happily as she entered their cottage, glad to finally be home for the evening. She had been very much relieved when Lady Mary called for her so early, saying she wasn't in the mood for a late night, and Anna had been released from her duties much sooner than usual. She appreciated the extra free time; it was amazing how it was short, nowadays. There was always so much to be done, at Downton Abbey, at their cottage, that any free time Anna had was spent making sure their home was settled, nice and tidy, so that they could sleep peacefully in the hope that the next day would find them a small moment of joy.

Those moments, however, were hardly rare, though. They managed to be together for the most part of the day – mending, sewing, having tea and meals together – and sometimes they'd even lurk in the servants' courtyard to catch a little moment alone before going up to see to their duties. It was different from before, for now they were married and people wouldn't question their alone time, but, in some ways, it was just like before, except that now the moments were even more precious. Even working so hard and still working to make the cottage their home, Anna was sure and confident she had never been so happy, and, judging by John's easy smiles, he felt the same.

She was making tea when she heard the front door opening and John's quiet half-step. They generally walked back home together, but since Anna had been ready much earlier than usual, he insisted that she went on ahead, and Anna appreciated the gesture. The past few weeks were harder than usual on her. Now living in the cottage for ten months, there were still things to fix and make it look like it was theirs. Though it was their home, as it would always be for Anna now that John was there by her side every day, they hadn't had many possessions when they moved, and slowly, week by week, their personal belongings, old and new, found their way to the cottage. They had been lucky enough to be graced with electricity and working plumbing, though those two installations bothered them from time to time, in particular their bedroom's lighting and the kitchen sink. Anna couldn't really complain, she figured, but lately she had been much too tired to see it as normal and had even snapped at John once or twice for not having fixed it properly the first time.

Poor John, Anna thought as she heard him approaching the kitchen. He had been a saint that day, merely keeping silent and letting it go, only to hear to her apologies with grace and laugh at her impatience. She could never love someone as much as she loved him.

The kitchen door opened and Anna turned in her spot to look at her husband, his jacket long forgotten, with a soft smile on his face.

"And there's the darling wife," John said, approaching her and kissing her forehead lovingly.

"I thought I'd make us some tea," Anna said, turning back to the stove, smiling as John didn't seem to want to pull away, settling behind her with his hands on her waist and his cheek against her hair. "You took your time."

"His lordship was in a rather talkative mood this evening," he told her as she laced her fingers with his, "and I had a few mendings I wanted to be done with today. So maybe tomorrow night we can have a little bit of a spare time to ourselves."

Anna grinned, looking up at him, "I'm looking forward to it."

He caught her lips in a soft, lingering kiss and pulled away, sitting by the table, all the while watching her as she took the teapot away, working around the kitchen and grabbing two cups, as she knew he'd want some tea too. It had been their tradition, since those early days at Downton Abbey, when they were merely friends, maybe still just acquaintances, when they'd stay up until almost everyone had retired for the night and share stories, news and conversations over a cup of tea. She doubted their tradition would ever be broken, especially now when they both weren't going anywhere.

"You seem to be feeling better tonight," he started hesitantly as she set the cups on the table.

Anna smiled, "That's because I feel better."

"I was thinking that maybe you should have that checked out. Just in case," John said slowly, "I can't help but worry that this might not be just a simple flu. There are many possibilities."

Anna gave him a pointed look, her hands resting on her waist. Of course he'd say such a thing; she knew what he was thinking – what both of them were thinking – but she didn't want to get her, or John's, hopes up. It was a fact that she had been sick every day for more than a week now, but Anna really thought it would be gone soon. That didn't seem to be the case so far, though. The sickness came and went, sometimes in the mornings, most times during the day, and there had been even one or two nights when she hadn't been feeling well. She knew that John worried, and she knew what they both hoped it was, but she couldn't bring herself to think of it as a possibility. It had been ten months since John was released – ten months of them sharing the same bed, every she had laid with him many, many times during these ten months and yet nothing had happened – no sign of a baby.

Anna would have to admit that part of her wanted it to happen as soon as possible, while the other part of her simply wanted to relish her new life with her husband, with the newfound freedom and intimacy marriage brought them. Still, ten months, and nothing – she was nearly giving up the thought of children. Maybe, as much as it pained her to think of this, they weren't meant to be parents. Ten months – if it was supposed to happen, it would have happened already.

"John, I'm sure it's nothing. And I've been perfectly fine all day now," she told him, "I think I'll be perfectly fine tomorrow too. It's gone already."

He pursed his lips, obviously not agreeing with her. Anna sighed exasperatedly, not wanting to debate this any longer. Despite everything, they hadn't talked of children yet. It seemed all too soon to bring up such a subject – especially when the last time they discussed it, years ago, was before everything happened – before his time away from her, before jail, before heartbreak. Anna wasn't sure she was ready to think of maternity as a possibility, a real one, yet; she wasn't sure she would bear the suffering if her dreams were crushed again. She was perfectly happy how she was – working with her husband by her side, waking up next to him every morning and going to bed with him every night. For her, that was more than enough to make her satisfied with life.

"Come here," he said quietly, but the teapot boiling brought Anna's attention back to the stove; as she turned around, however, his hand reached for hers and brought her to him; she fell onto his lap with a shriek, slightly surprised, but she was smiling when she met his gaze. She took a moment to look at him. He seemed truly worried. "I'm sorry, love. I just worry that this might not be just a simple sickness. It's been days. Are you sure you don't want to see what Dr Clarkson says about it?"

Anna smiled slightly, bringing one hand to his hair and the other to his cheek. She shouldn't have snapped at him. Of course he was worried – wouldn't she be too, if it were the other way around? Of course she would. She worried for much less than that nowadays.

"Alright. If I wake up feeling under the weather tomorrow, I'll go see Dr Clarkson in the afternoon," she acquiesced, "Happy now?"

His smile was smug and Anna desperately wanted to get a little mad at him, but she knew it was useless to even try to. He couldn't get her mad for more than two minutes.

"Very," he said, squeezing her waist softly, "With you as my wife, how could I not be?"

He caught her smile in a deep, passionate kiss, and Anna was glad she was sitting or she would have melted onto the floor. It didn't matter that it had been years since they shared their first kiss, or that they were married for more than two years now. John always managed to take her breath away, to this day, and she doubted that would ever change – she never wanted it to change.

His mouth was slow and warm against hers, and Anna's fumbling hands slowly made their way to his broad shoulders and his neck, as she snuggled closer to him. God, she still cherished their privacy so much; year after year living at Downton Abbey with strangers made her realise, when they were settled in the cottage, how relieved, how free she found herself now, and she loved that she could share it with John.

Reluctantly they pulled away to breathe, and Anna groaned at the sudden lack of contact, leaning in to kiss him again.

"What about tea?" he asked her teasingly.

Anna smiled, "What tea?"

* * *

John entered the servants' hall quietly, briefly scanning the room. He frowned when he didn't see Anna there; it was nearly tea time, and almost everyone was downstairs. He knew Lady Mary was still shopping in Ripon, so Anna couldn't possibly be seeing to her. He immediately got worried; he knew she had been feeling perfectly alright that morning. He thanked Ivy for the tea, meeting Mrs. Hughes gaze. She had a knowing smile on her face as she addressed him.

"Anna's asked my permission to go to the village to run some errands," she told him quietly, "Since Lady Mary was away, I saw no problem in it. She should be back anytime now."

This put his worries to the back of his mind. Mrs. Hughes would tell him if Anna hadn't been well. And Anna wouldn't lie to Mrs. Hughes. In fact, there were a couple of things they needed to do in the village, but he remembered telling Anna he'd do that on his next afternoon off. She probably decided to make use of her spare time by not troubling him with it.

Indeed, Mrs. Hughes had been right. As soon as his tea was over and he was leaving the servants' hall, he was presented by the sight of his wife closing the door to the courtyard. Anna smiled brightly when she saw him, and he felt relief flow into his veins. She seemed fine.

"Nice of you to show up," he said teasingly, meeting her halfway down the corridor.

Anna pursed her lips and gave him a pointed, playful look while taking off her hat.

"Mrs. Hughes said you went to the village to run some errands," John said quietly as more people left the servants' hall. They could hear Mrs. Patmore yelling at Ivy and Daisy as he spoke. "You should have stayed here to rest. I told you I would do that on Thursday."

"It was no problem, and I had more than those to do, you know," Anna said as she adjusted her hair, "There's only so much you can do."

John frowned; whatever did she mean by that?

He had just opened his mouth to ask her just what she had been up to when Mr. Carson called for Anna.

"Anna, Lady Mary just arrived, and she's asking for you," the butler said, interrupting their conversation.

Anna nodded promptly, "I'll be there in a minute, Mr. Carson."

John was sure he must have looked annoyed, for Anna giggled when she met his gaze again. He couldn't help but smile. She was gorgeous when she smiled.

"We'll talk later," she told him softly, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

"Are you at least feeling well?" he asked as she let go of his hand, propriety always on their minds. He walked with her towards the staircase.

"I am," she answered with resolution, "Never been better, I assure you."

He had heard this answer far too many times for the past week, and he was sure he didn't look convinced. Anna rolled her eyes good-naturedly and smiled.

"I'm _fine_," she repeated, "Don't worry. I'll talk to you later, Mr. Bates."

"Until then, Mrs. Bates," he said as she began to walk upstairs, turning for a moment to smile at him for using her married name. He watched as she left his sight, nodding at Mrs. Hughes as she passed by him with the same knowing smile as before.

He shrugged, knowing he could do nothing more.

As it was, he hadn't been able to properly speak with his wife for the rest of the day; he kept his eyes focused on her whenever he could as he met her down the halls and during dinner. She did appear to be fine. She was smiling easily and even caught him staring a few times, merely grinning at him. He knew Lady Mary had been a bit difficult lately, and he understood how Anna seemed tired; she rarely complained, of course, but he knew her.

His lordship had a late night discussing matters with Mr. Crawley, so once again Anna had been released earlier than he was. John hurried to tell her to go on ahead, and even though she had argued, he insisted. He only managed to get to their cottage more than an hour later, and he had half expected to find Anna already in bed, asleep. Everything was silent. He started upstairs, smiling as he saw the faint lighting coming from their bedroom.

He stopped by the door, which was slightly ajar; his steps were quiet, and he admired the scene in front of him. Anna was sitting by the dressing table, right in front of their bed, combing her hair. She had a small smile fixed on her face, and he was certain he could hear her humming a song. He smiled, mesmerised at his wife. How often he'd wonder how on Earth he managed to have such a sweet, perfect creature to fall for him – his Anna, his sweet Anna.

He let out a contented sigh and her eyes met his through the mirror. He must have sighed louder than intended. Smiling to himself and holding Anna's gaze with his, he stepped through the doorway. He left his cane by the bedside table; his wife turned, and his breath caught in his throat when he admired her fine features against the lighting of the gas lamp. Anna positively glowed tonight – more than usual.

"I didn't hear you downstairs," she said, resting her hands on her lap, along with the comb. "Did you think I was already asleep?"

He approached her with a soft smile on his face and leaned down to kiss her temple. "You didn't have to wait up for me, you know."

"Well, I wanted to," she smiled as he grabbed the comb from her hands and stood behind her to finish her task. "How is your leg tonight?"

"It's fine," John answered, Anna's hair feeling like silk under his hands. She smelled of soap and soft perfume and like Anna. "How are you tonight? We didn't have much of a chance to talk before."

She averted her eyes from the mirror as her hands found a ribbon on the table, and she was apparently focused on it.

"No, we didn't," Anna took a deep breath. She looked worried. John frowned.

He stopped combing her hair, his eyes questioningly staring at her face. She seemed fine. She looked fine during the day too. Had anything happened when he wasn't around? They had barely exchanged a few words during the day. Perhaps something had happened and no one told him?

A million possibilities passed through his mind as he searched for some answer on his wife's face, but he didn't want to push her. Fortunately, long ago they had perfected the talent of communicating without talking, and Anna truly looked fine. She looked even better than normal tonight. After one full second that seemed like eternity to John, she looked up at him through the mirror. Her eyes weren't worried – perhaps just nervous? – but the raw sincerity in them caught him in surprise. Perhaps something _had _happened, after all.

"I went to see Dr Clarkson this afternoon," Anna told him slowly, "That's why I was late for tea."

John put the comb on the table, a frown of worry making its way into his features. So she had been to the doctor. Maybe she was ill. How serious was it? Would they have to go to London? What did Dr Clarkson say? Did Anna tell Mrs Hughes anything? Anna turned her body to face him. She smiled.

"John, stop right there," she said knowingly and he looked at her questioningly, "I know you're already thinking of the worst possibilities ever. Stop right there. And maybe you should sit down for a bit."

He smiled – of course she knew what he was thinking.

"I've told you my leg is fine," he insisted, but she kept her gaze focused on him. John rolled his eyes good-naturedly and sat down on the edge of the bed, facing Anna. He'd never admit to her, but he felt his leg relaxing almost instantly. John reached for Anna's hands and squeezed them lightly. "How did it go with Dr Clarkson? You told me you were well this morning."

"And I was. But after I took Lady Mary's breakfast to her, I had a bit of a turn," she explained, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry when there was nothing you could do about it. So I went to see Dr Clarkson. And, apparently, I'm very healthy."

John closed his eyes in relief for a moment. "Thank God."

"It's not just that, though. I… We…" he let out a chuckle at Anna's apparent loss of words; that wasn't something that happened very frequently. She let out an exasperated laugh and he noticed her eyes were full of tears now. "I'm pregnant."

The words left Anna's mouth slowly, and there was no mistaking what John had just heard. Anna was pregnant. The air left his lungs in a moment of surprise. She wasn't ill. She was just pregnant. His wife was having a baby. His wife was having his baby. He would be a father.

He focused on Anna's face again and his heart was suddenly so full of love – for her, for what she meant to him, for everything she had given him already. She was smiling at him, and a memory of another time, another place rushed to his mind – a time of promises and dreams for them. Anna had told him she had never been as happy as she was in that moment. She had looked beautiful – but now, today, he realised she had never been so beautiful, so amazing as tonight. She squeezed his hands. She expected him to say something.

"I… Oh, Anna," he managed to say, bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them adoringly. "But… how did you know? Did you suspect of this before?"

She shook her head. "No, I… Well, I thought it was a possibility, but I guess I didn't want to get my hopes up. I thought I was just tired, or working too much," she took a deep breath, "Are you happy?"

John let out a shaky laugh, and he was sure his eyes were full of tears as well. Of course he was happy. His darling wife was having a baby. They would be parents.

"Yes. I'm very, very happy," he said, tugging at her hands, and Anna took a few steps towards him, falling into his embrace.

John breathed in her scent, feeling her shake a little against him, and he suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion. They hadn't wanted to tempt fate and they hadn't even talked of children during these months of wedded bliss. Truth be told, after ten months, he didn't think it would happen at all. And now – here they were. His hands found their way to Anna's narrow waist and he smiled when he realised that would change in the next few months – and he could barely wait for it.

They pulled away ever so slightly and shared a deep, emotional kiss. He tasted Anna's tears of joy and for once he didn't mind seeing her cry. She clung to him, sitting on his good leg, and when their eyes met again they both laughed.

"Is everything alright? With you, and the baby?" he asked her worriedly, squeezing her waist ever so slightly.

Anna giggled happily. "Yes, everything's perfectly fine. Dr Clarkson says everything should go well and the baby will be born by the end of winter."

"By the end of winter?" John repeated, "That's less than six months away. We should start preparing things soon."

Anna nodded animatedly, "Yes. I'm just so happy. I don't think I quite believe it yet. It feels like a dream. I wanted to tell you earlier but I didn't want to do it in the house."

He smiled. "And you were right, of course."

"I don't know how I managed to be there for the rest of the day and not tell a soul," she laughed, "I wanted to run to you and tell you everything. I wanted to tell everyone about it!"

He laughed at her excitement, bringing one of his hands to her cheek and staring at her lovingly.

"I'm about to go back to the house right now to tell the news to everyone myself," he teased and Anna giggled, "I love you, Anna. You'll be the most wonderful mother."

"And you'll be the most wonderful father," she told him, her bright eyes shining even brighter.

He smiled, openly and freely; never in his life he could have known he'd find love when he came to work at Downton Abbey, all those years ago. That he'd find such a sweet creature like Anna, who would give him so much in life – her love, her presence, her strength; and now, a child. He had given up on the idea of children long ago, and here it was, finally happening. A long lost dream – a miracle, in his eyes – that he'd share with Anna.

"Thank you, my darling," he said quietly.

Anna shook her head, "No, this wasn't just me. This was from the two of us," she let out a small giggle, "We are going to be parents."

John laughed, a mix of happiness, disbelief and amusement in his laugh. "That we are."

She leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss again; he tried not to think of all the changes that were to come with this huge event in their lives. Somehow, he was sure all the changes would be worth it and very much welcomed. He rested his hand just above Anna's, right on her lower belly, and he smiled when they parted.

He could barely wait for all these changes to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I'm really happy that I managed to write the second chapter to keep this updated regularly - I'll do my best to have another chapter ready next week as well. Thanks so much for everyone who's read, reviewed or followed this story! Special thanks to my editor Terrie who managed to edit this tonight. :) Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

* * *

_"The dreams that we have in pregnancy are tainted with the worries and joys of pregnancy and the changing roles of our lives." _Robin Elise Weiss

* * *

"I _told_ you we were going to be late," John told Anna, doing his best to keep his tone serious, but he knew he was failing miserably when he saw Anna's smile.

He turned around after locking the front door to their cottage, and rushed to walk beside his wife. She was putting on her hat now, the morning sun making her eyes glisten even more the usual. She let out a small giggle and he had to smile back. So they were going to be a bit late to work; well, he figured Lord Grantham and Lady Mary could wait a little bit this morning.

Anna reached for his hand and leaned into his arm; not for the first time this morning, he couldn't care less about whether they'd be late or not.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking up at him, "You can tell everyone it was my entire fault."

John grinned. "Yes, I'll tell everyone how my wife seduced me early in the morning and how that has made us both late for work."

He winked at his wife, grinning wider when a faint blush reached her cheeks and she let out a laugh.

"You silly beggar," she shook her head at him, her free hand stroking his cheek softly before pulling away.

They exchanged a smile, and the next seconds were spent in silence. Out of the corner of his eye, John watched as a soft smile was apparently fixed on Anna's face, and how her free hand brushed against her belly ever so lightly. It was still difficult to believe that this was happening – to him, of all people –, that they were having a baby. When Anna had told him the news, only three weeks ago, he had been thrilled, surprised, giddy, even; as they talked and talked about the baby and how everything would change, the silent cautious tone in their voices did not go away. Hours later, with his arms around Anna's warm body, light snores escaping her, he let himself worry.

He knew things could go wrong. Anna knew that too. With the baby, with her. It was in his nature to ponder these facts, but for once, he vowed he wouldn't, not until they were further down this road. For once, he tried to be like Anna, to see the bright side of everything. And this time, the bright side had never seemed brighter. Still, there were worries now, changes happening now, and he knew they'd have to make some decisions soon.

Much to his surprise, Anna had been against telling people about it. She said she liked this being their secret, and he would have to admit he rather liked it this way too. And they were rather good at keeping secrets, as Anna so wisely told him. Their secret courtship, their secret wedding, their secret encounters – they had spent such good moments in secrecy. He hadn't minded waiting a bit to tell everyone about the baby, but he knew there were other reasons for Anna to want this.

She knew – they both knew – that sooner or later, her time in service would come to an end. John knew Anna, as happy as she was with the news of being pregnant, wasn't sure if she was ready to leave work yet; she had assured him she was very much alright to keep working, and that it would take a few weeks for Lady Mary to find a suitable replacement – months, even.

"I don't see why I'd need to leave so soon," she had told once, "I feel fine, Dr Clarkson says I'm fine. We certainly will miss my income once the baby comes."

"We can be comfortable with my income, and we still have the money from the rent," John argued, "We have all our savings too. I don't think money will be a problem anytime soon."

Anna gave him a hopeless look. "Fine. But I wouldn't know what to do at home, alone all the time," she sighed, then smiled softly at him, "And I'd miss you too."

In the end, after a week of enjoying this new secret, just between them, they both agreed it was time to tell everyone; they couldn't nor wanted to delay it any longer. They'd need time to find a replacement and John wanted to be sure everyone knew of Anna's limitation, however small they were at the moment. He worried she was carrying too much weight or that she stayed up until late and never got enough sleep; he never thought he'd be so grateful she wasn't a housemaid any longer.

As it was, not many people were surprised. Mrs Hughes was absolutely delighted, as were most of the maids and Mrs Patmore. Miss O'Brien had simply mumbled a 'Took you long enough', and the footmen and Thomas congratulated them both. Mr Carson, on the other hand, seemed absolutely flabbergasted; John was sure the butler had never had a pregnant servant in the house, and he knew Mr Carson's mind was already thinking about how everything would work with this new element in their lives.

The Crawleys were happy for them; his lordship had congratulated him happily, and then started to talk of how children lightened up a household. John knew Lady Sybbie was, indeed, the joy of Downton Abbey, now a bit older. Lady Mary was, according to Anna, very happy for them too, especially with her being a new mother to a newborn baby herself.

Later that day, of course the subject of Anna leaving was brought up in the servants' hall, by Miss O'Brien. However inconvenient it was, when everyone was so happy for them, both John and Anna knew that would have to be discussed – sooner rather than later. Anna had been adamant she wanted to keep working, so long as the Crawleys and Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson were alright with it. After a brief talk with Lady Mary, later that evening, Anna had announced she was to keep working for as long as she wanted too. John was a bit concerned about that, but he never voiced his thoughts. He knew this was the way Anna wanted, and if it made Anna happy – well, he'd be happy too.

They spent the rest of the small walk to Downton in a pleasant, comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's company – exchanging smiles and small caresses. Once they reached the Abbey, John opened the door, earning a smile from his wife, and trailered behind. They were a bit late, though not much, but the servants' hall was already in a hustle bustle that time of the morning. They were lucky enough to be greeted by Miss O'Brien, just as John helped Anna out of her coat.

"How nice of you two to show up," she said with a not so pleasant smile on her face, "Lady Mary has called for you already, Anna."

Anna let out an exasperated sigh while pulling out the pins from her hat. Before she could retort, however, Mrs Hughes appeared in the corridor.

"Don't you have any work to do, Miss O'Brien?" the housekeeper said, eyeing the older lady's, prompting O'Brien to roll her eyes and make her way up the stairs. Mrs Hughes looked at Anna with a smile. "She's right, though. Lady Mary has just rung the bell. She's early this morning."

Anna pursed her lips. "I'm so sorry, Mrs Hughes. I woke up rather late and that's why we only just arrived."

John averted Mrs Hughes' gaze at Anna's little lie, taking Anna's hat off in the process.

"It's alright. Now do get going. His lordship should call for you in a minute," she added, looking at John, and just as she spoke, a bell rang. "And that would be him. Go on."

Side by side, they walked down the corridor and up the stairs; only when he was sure Mrs Hughes couldn't listen, he risked saying something.

"Anna Bates, you are a naughty girl," he said quietly, and Anna looked up at him with a bright smile. He noticed she was a bit pale, though.

"I couldn't very well tell her the truth, could I?" Anna told him a little breathlessly.

John frowned. "Are you feeling well, Anna?"

He had a reason to ask her this question; for the past weeks, ever since the news of Anna's pregnancy, the nausea only got worse. Anna couldn't keep much down and had absolutely no appetite. Most of the mornings, she only ate when John insisted, and he noticed she had been turning down tea as well. It worried him that she was not eating properly, though he understood that there wasn't much she could do. He was absolutely sure Anna had already lost weight due to this, and despite his knowledge of pregnancy being very limited, he knew she was supposed to gain weight, not lose it. He tried not to fret over her and not to seem over-zealous, but it was proving to be very difficult for him to not do so; he simply worried. He knew enough of pregnancy to know things did not always end well.

"Yes, just fine," she nodded, but she didn't look him in the eye. She opened the door and he followed her in the halls of the house. She looked at him now, good-naturedly rolling her eyes. "I mean it. Don't worry."

He stopped by his lordship's dressing room's door and looked at her in disbelief. She stopped too, just a few steps ahead of him. She smiled and looked around briefly; the halls were empty. She walked over to him and kissed his cheek softly, quickly, before pulling away.

"I _am_ fine," she assured him, "I'll talk to you later."

He nodded, watching as she walked away, and winking at her when she looked back at him for a moment, later. He smiled and opened the door, a day's work ahead of him.

* * *

A few hours later, Anna wasn't feeling particularly well. She had woken up absolutely fine – it was the first time that happened in nearly three weeks – and she had thoroughly enjoyed the early morning with John, and even managed to eat more than she had been eating at breakfast. It wasn't much later, though, when she started feeling nauseous again. She knew the feeling all too well, but it was proving to be extremely difficult to get used to it. She had managed to dress Lady Mary but avoided talking, thinking the nausea might get worse somehow; later on, she had successfully managed to mend some of Lady Mary's clothes, but couldn't bring herself to eat properly during luncheon. She was aware of how John kept glancing at her, and he had asked her more than three times over the meal if she was alright, but she didn't want to bother him. He worried enough as it was.

She barely ate and, not half an hour later, she had emptied her stomach's contents outside, in the servants' courtyard – thankfully away from prying eyes. In that moment, however, were John around, she would have told him sincerely that no, she wasn't alright. God, she wasn't alright at all. She knew pregnancy wasn't always perfect, but Anna didn't remember Lady Mary feeling this unwell before.

She returned to the servants' hall and hoped no one noticed her current state; she had been lucky enough to have the room to herself when she got there. The maids and the footmen had gone to village and John had gone along to run some errands; Mr. Carson was probably too focused on polishing the silver to even bother with her. Going back to her mending, Anna tried to convince herself it would go away if she could just keep focused on her work. As she sat down, she felt slightly better, but soon she found herself taking slow, deep breaths, while trying to maintain the nausea at bay. Perhaps if she went out for a minute or two, to get a bit of fresh air, she'd get a little better.

She stood up slowly, but a rush of dizziness overcame her and Anna had to grasp the back of her chair to steady herself.

"Oh, Anna, there you are," Mrs. Hughes' voice startled her, and Anna felt her stomach flip ever so slightly as she turned her head, "I was speaking to her ladyship about… Anna, are you feeling well? You're as pale as a sheet!"

Anna took a deep breath before responding. "Actually, I'm not feeling very well, Mrs. Hughes. I haven't been able to keep anything down and the nausea simply won't go away."

The housekeeper took a few tentative steps towards her and frowned. "Anna, you should have told me earlier. You should go home at once. I'll call for Mr. Bates."

"Oh, no, Mrs. Hughes, we can't both go, don't bother him," Anna pleaded, still feeling dizzy, "He'll just worry."

Mrs. Hughes pursed her lips, noticing how Anna was leaning heavily against the chair. "Anna, when was the last time you actually ate something and wasn't sick later?"

Anna frowned at her words, remembering the past few days. Her voice was weak and it wavered when she spoke. "About four days ago, I think."

Mrs. Hughes frowned. "Well, I'm taking you home and calling for Dr Clarkson," she interrupted before Anna could protest, "There's only so much you can handle, dear girl."

Anna paused before nodding slowly. "But Mr. Bates…"

"I'll ask Mr. Carson to tell him that you've gone home when he gets back," Mrs. Hughes promptly said, "Now, shall we go?"

* * *

Anna rubbed her eyes tiredly, feeling sleepy and exhausted. Despite thinking it was a bit of an exaggeration to call for Dr Clarkson, she was partly relieved now that she knew a medical opinion. Mrs. Hughes had been kind enough to stay with her as Dr Clarkson explained that the nausea was very much normal and that she might be experiencing stronger symptoms for being an older than normal first-time mother; he assured her everything should get better within the next weeks but told her to try to keep eating constantly and keeping herself hydrated. After a quick examination, he came to the conclusion that the pregnancy was going as well as it could be expected.

Anna couldn't deny she was worried, and that she feared things might not go well. It took her a while to get used to the fact that in a few months' time she'd be a mother, and now that she was very much aware of that, she couldn't help but worry. Still, hearing from Dr Clarkson that things were going well soothed her worries for now.

She had been in the kitchen, slowly bringing herself to eat a biscuit, when she heard the front door opening, and she knew that half-step very well. Aware that her husband was probably worried sick about her, Anna was quick to leave the kitchen and see him in the middle of the parlour, as he'd probably look for her in the bedroom first.

"Anna," he breathed when their eyes met, and she instantly saw relief in his features. He quickly walked towards her, his hands holding hers. Poor John; he must have been so worried about her. "How are you? Mrs. Hughes told me you weren't feeling well and Dr Clarkson had to see you here. Are you feeling better? Did anything happen?"

Anna had to smile at his words; though she had to admit it annoyed her how protective he was sometimes, she found it extremely endearing to see him so concerned about her well-being.

"I'm feeling better," she told him sincerely, leading him towards the couch to sit down. "Mrs. Hughes got worried when I told her I haven't been able to eat much. She thought it was best to call Dr Clarkson and see if everything was alright."

"And are you? Alright, that is," John asked her nervously.

Anna let out a laugh. "Yes. Holding up," she added, "He says the nausea should go away in a few weeks."

"Oh, that's very good," he said, pausing for a moment before speaking again, "And the baby?"

"We are both well," she assured him, letting go of one of his hands to caress her belly, "I feel better already. Tired, but better. Not very much nauseous, just… exhausted."

John smiled at him, pulling her into his embrace and kissing her hair lovingly. He pulled away to look at her and she saw love and concern in his eyes. She knew it wouldn't be easy get him not to worry about her, but in truth she wouldn't want it any other way.

"Mrs. Hughes said she'd take care of Lady Mary herself today and tomorrow, so you can rest," John told her, "Unless you don't want to come back, of course."

Anna had sensed this subject would come up, and she shook her head immediately. "No, I'll come back. I haven't changed my mind about that."

Her tone was teasing, but he understood the seriousness in her voice. Seeing as it was tea time at Downton Abbey, Anna offered to make her husband a cup of tea, something he promptly refused, urging her to stay where she was that he'd make tea this afternoon. He left Anna sat on the couch, a small smile playing on her lips; she was so glad she wasn't feeling nauseous right now. In fact, despite the tiredness, she was feeling very much comfortable; she had taken her corset off – Mrs. Hughes' advice – and put on a more comfortable dress. She smiled wider when she felt a now familiar tickle in her stomach. It had taken her a few days to realise that tickle was actually her baby moving, and that was something already so present in her life; she affectionately stroked her belly through the layers of clothing.

"Well, you're definitely looking better," John's voice brought her out of her reverie as he sat down beside her, cup of tea in hand. "What's the smile for?"

"Oh, nothing," Anna dismissed him, but he urged for her to tell him, "No, it's just… I think I've been feeling the baby for a couple of days now."

"Feeling the… oh," John said, realisation hitting him. He smiled. "What does it feel like?"

"Butterflies," she said after a moment, "or bubbles. It's a bit odd, actually, but it's a good kind of odd. It just… It feels real."

"That's because it is," John said, taking her free hand in his and kissing her palm.

They talked as John drank his tea, and Anna was feeling much more content by the time John was getting ready to leave. He made her promise she'd rest and be careful, especially when she mentioned she could return to work today even. Agreeing to this, Anna walked him to the door, and his lips were soft and tender against hers. He stared deeply into her eyes as one of his hands came to stroke her stomach, and that same look of concern as before appeared on his features.

"Will you be alright in the cottage alone until dinner?" he asked her softly.

"Of course I will," Anna said, standing on her tip-toes to kiss him lightly one more time. "I'll see you later."

She watched as he left their home and closed the door only when she couldn't see him any longer. With a sigh, she sat down once again, but not before taking her knitting with her. As she got comfortable, she felt the tickle again.

Of course she'd be alright in their cottage – she just wasn't alone anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I struggled a lot with this chapte. I'm more of an Anna's POV writer, so this proved to be quite a challenge. In the end, it turned out to be quite long and I really hope this will be enjoyable. I would absolutely love to know what you think about the story up until this point. Hopefully there will be another chapter before Christmas, but I can't promise anything for certain. Special thanks to my editor Terrie who was a saint and tried to cheer me up while I suffered from writer's block (also for editing this, obviously).

* * *

_"The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature."_ Abbé Prévost

* * *

It had started out quite simply, quite slowly. So slowly he hadn't even realised it was all happening already. Mrs Hughes presented them with a small – so, _so_ small – romper suit not long after they had told everyone of the pregnancy. It was simple, white and soft. And small. So, _so_ small.

Anna had smiled and he remembered telling Mrs Hughes it was far too early for that, to which she had replied rather harshly that it was never early to start knitting and getting prepared. That seemed to have Anna promptly knitting – and that was everywhere now; whenever she was having a rest at work, or relaxing at home, he saw her knitting: booties, and dresses, everything and anything. When he had asked her if they already had enough, Anna had simply smiled kindly at him.

"The baby will be born in winter," she had told him, "I don't want to take any chances. Best to have more than it will ever wear than less than it will need."

To which he had agreed, obviously. He was still as ecstatic as he had been when Anna first told him they were having a baby.

Now, a few weeks after the fact, with Anna's sickness mostly gone and several plans ahead for them, he couldn't be happier. His wife was very much healthy, as Dr Clarkson had assured him the week before, and very much happy at the prospect of becoming a mother. Her body was changing – albeit slowly, he could find new differences almost every day; she was eating better than before, and he could always find a new sensitive spot here or there; her breasts were fuller, and even though it was hardly noticeable in her every day clothes, they both were well aware that she was already showing.

John had never known her to be so beautiful, and this was Anna he was referring to.

He was sitting, in bed, reading, when Anna came into the room; he was immediately distracted, as Wilde wasn't holding his interest much and Anna's smile often did that to him, anyway. She looked tired, he noticed, but her smile was very bright and it soothed his worries for the moment. He noticed her shivering as she took off her robe.

"I thought you'd be downstairs all night," he spoke as she slipped into bed beside him.

Anna made herself comfortable on her side of the bed as John put his book down on his lap.

"I just wanted to finish that mending," she said quietly, turning to face him, "You didn't think I'd let you here all by yourself, did you?"

He let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, I just wondered."

Anna giggled – music to his ears. She scooted closer to him and caught his lips in a slow, deep kiss. He groaned against her mouth, one of his hands coming to rest naturally on her waist; he tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss even more, and he heard a content sigh escape his wife's lips in that moment. God, he couldn't get enough of Anna; it reminded him of the early days of their marriage, right after he was released from prison, when any moment alone in their cottage was an opportunity to make love, to know each other's bodies – which somehow wasn't very different from this moment in their lives. Pregnancy was changing Anna's body and he marvelled in it even more so than before; even after so many months of having her all to himself, he sometimes found it difficult to believe that she was there, for him, and that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

They pulled away and John took a deep breath as Anna moved to kiss the hollow of his throat.

"I couldn't have stayed downstairs," she mumbled against his skin, "Who would keep me warm? I need you for my own selfish reasons."

John chuckled as Anna shifted against him, peppering his jaw with kisses and slowly coming to sit on his lap; he captured her lips again, and when he heard a moan he had to suppress one of his own as well. His hands were careful on her, sometimes even tentative, as they slowly stroked, though the layer of her nightgown, her hips all the way to her breasts. He felt Anna's fingers on his chest and felt her slowly unbuttoning his pyjama top. His own hands came on their own accord to rest on Anna's thighs, carefully grabbing the hem of her nightgown. Anna shifted against him.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed, pulling away ever so slightly.

John looked at her in concern, but she took the book, that had been forgotten on his lap, and gave him a pointed look.

"You're not reading this tonight, are you?" her tone was playful, and John squeezed her hips, bringing her even closer to him.

He promptly shook his head, and watched as she carefully marked the page and put the book on the nightstand; she let out an excited shriek when John brought her back to him, and her giggling was stifled with his mouth on hers once more.

Only later, with their bodies thoroughly spent and the delicious feel of Anna's naked body wrapped around his, he took a chance to reflect on everything. Anna was still panting rather hard but she could not take off the delectable smile from her face. God, he loved her so much; he didn't think he'd ever be able to love someone as much as he loved Anna, and it was quite incredible how much that feeling only grew within him, as the days went by – each day was a new day to love and worship Anna like she should indeed, be loved and worshipped. He had vowed, when they were apart, that he'd always see to her happiness when he'd finally come back to her, and he could only hope he was achieving his goal. Loving her was so easy, so right, that if he could make her half as happy as she made him, he was sure nothing could come between them.

She shifted against him, resting her body on his side and her head on his chest, her hands slowly drawing invisible circles on it. She pulled the blanket tighter around her and looked up at him, smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth. He gently put a strand of her behind her ear; her eyes were still dark from their lovemaking and her cheeks were rosy. He had one arm wrapped around her waist and his free hand caressed her jaw lovingly. Her hair was a bit messy but John found the whole image she presented very alluring – his wife was certainly glowing.

"What are you looking at?" she asked, the smile still dancing on her lips.

"Just you," he answered simply, "I don't tell you enough, but you make me so very happy. You know that, don't you?"

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly and rested her head besides his, nuzzling his neck with her nose.

"Of course I do, you silly beggar," Anna replied, sighing loudly. Her hands were becoming increasingly distracting on his chest. He felt her gaze on him but kept focusing on her hands. "I love you."

Her words made a natural smile erupt into his features; it was hard not to. From the first he had heard this confession – nearly eight years ago – it never ceased to surprise him somewhat. Thankfully, a lot changed since the first time she had spoken the words, and now he could very freely and very happily return the sentiment.

"I love you too," he said softly, squeezing her waist, "So, how are you feeling? Everything alright?"

He felt her grin against the skin of his neck.

"Never better," she answered, "Just a bit tired. I felt the baby the whole day today. I think it was a bit agitated."

"And you certainly didn't help matters by working so hard and then coming here like this?" he lightly teased, and was rewarded by Anna's chuckle.

"Well, Dr Clarkson says it's pretty normal," she told him, "But either way, we shouldn't get carried away into the late hours, you know. How am I supposed to wake up in the morning?"

"Well, I'm not the one who started," he teased.

"Oh, shush," she told him lightly, "We really ought to go to sleep."

John agreed, seeing as Anna was already stifling a yawn. She shifted in the bed, turning her back to him, and he slowly wrapped an arm around her waist and inched closer to his wife, settling his head beside hers on the pillow and inhaling her scent leisurely. He nuzzled into her neck and her delightful sleepy giggle made his heart swell with love – such simple moments, really, made life worth living for him.

Anna's breath was beginning to even out and his eyes were getting heavy when he felt it. It was sudden and subtle, but he felt it. His eyes snapped open and he realised he had his hands resting on Anna's belly. He looked around, tensing up and adjusting his eyes to the dark. He caressed the skin beneath his palms again – and he felt it again, stronger than before.

Their baby was moving.

Realization struck him as he understood now what Anna's been talking about for the past weeks – and suddenly, he understood – for the first time, it dawned upon him that there was a human being – that they made a human being – and it would soon grow and they would have created a person.

Yes, of course he knew that already; he knew they were having a baby and that they would be parents and finally be a proper family now. But besides knowing this all, he now knew he hadn't fully comprehended what was really happening – how much everything would change. It was such a small moment, really, but it changed his perspective completely. It was suddenly so real, so true that it was a bit overwhelming in that moment, to think that he would be a father in a few months' time – that soon he would have a son or a daughter, so dependant and innocent and helpless, and he – and Anna – would be completely responsible for it; it wouldn't be just them anymore. There was so much more responsibility involved in raising a child. They'd have to work harder. He would have to work harder. God, that was only a few months away – what, five, four? So little time to prepare. The child would grow too – so many more worries came with that. Money, health, education… What if the child didn't like him? What if he didn't make a good father?

Anna must have sensed his tension and her voice wavered a bit, hoarse from sleep already.

"John, what is it?"

"Just thinking," was his quiet reply.

Anna groaned, leaning against him but not yet opening her eyes.

"That never really helped you," she mumbled, "Go to sleep."

"Alright, love," he replied, but kept his eyes wide open. Anna seemed satisfied with this, for she sighed contentedly after he spoke. "Good night."

"G'night," Anna muttered sleepily.

He felt the movement beneath his palms again, just as Anna stopped speaking, and let out a slow, silent sigh. He couldn't help worrying and he couldn't help all the what if's that came into his mind, now that their baby made itself known to him.

He had a feeling he had a long night ahead of him.

* * *

Things were rather hazy in the next day; John had barely slept and he was already up almost an hour before they should wake up and get ready. Anna thought it rather odd and said so, but John did his best not to worry her, merely saying he hadn't slept very well. Every time he looked at his wife, or talked to her, his worries came back – the presence of their child ever so noticeable, and even though it still made him so happy that he could give Anna the family she so wanted, he couldn't help but ponder over every possibility of what might happen in the future.

As it was, what had been plaguing him the most in the morning was not the possibility of not being a good father, or even the fact that they still needed to do a lot to accommodate a child properly into their lives; the thought in question appeared in his mind in the deep, dark hours of the morning, and that was precisely what made him get up in such a haste, terribly wanting to just let go of this fact. His age dawned upon him: he was now 47 years old. A first time father at 47; while it gave him such unbridled joy, that he could marvel at having a child so late in life that he didn't even think of it as possibility, it was a fact that he didn't know how long he'd live and he might as well not even be able to see their child grow up into an adult.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" Anna asked him as they sat in the servants' hall, a bit early in the morning. Lady Mary and Lord Grantham had not yet rang for them. "You've been awfully quiet this morning."

"There's nothing wrong, Anna," he insisted, accepting a cup of tea from Ivy. "I assure you."

She gave him a suspicious, concerned look, and his heart sank upon causing her to worry. He hated to see Anna uncertain, or worried about him; he had seen that look much more than he'd have liked to over these past few years, and he so longed to never see it again. Her lovely face always beamed when she smiled, and it did lit up his whole world – a concerned, dark expression on her face brought on too many unhappy memories.

"I know you, John Bates," she started, her tone barely above a whisper, well aware they weren't alone in the room, "and I know when you are lying too. Whatever is on your mind, I do hope you'll tell me, before the end of the day – else I'll keep worrying about you."

He had done his best to smile and try to ease her worries, but he found that he wasn't able to quite do it; thankfully, before he could muster a reply, the bell rang and he was excused, though he could feel Anna's eyes on him until he left the room.

To leave Anna alone, with a child that he couldn't raise – the thought alone terrified him to no end. Now, more than ever, he wished things had been different between him and Anna – that he could have met her earlier in life, and by this possibility they'd, at this point in his life, already have been married and with many grown children.

This wasn't, however, how fate allowed it, and here they were. Anna was still so very young, but he was approaching his fifties; would he be able to pick up their child while they'd be running around? Would he be able to teach their child to read and to write? The more he thought of it, the more he worried. So much that his lordship noticed his odd behaviour, as he dressed him for the day.

"Is everything alright, Bates? You seem out of sorts this morning," he commented.

"Nothing to worry about, my lord," John retorted dutifully, "Just a few little troubles."

His lordship frowned. "I hope everything's alright with Mrs Bates."

John couldn't help but smile upon hearing his wife's name. "She's very well, my lord. Rarely feels sick anymore."

"That's very good to hear. Mary was very worried about her when she missed work, a few weeks ago," Lord Grantham spoke, "I remember when Cora was expecting Edith. She could barely leave bed, so exhausted she was," his lordship smiled at the memory, then sobered up and looked at Bates. "How are the plans for the baby going?"

"Well, I think, my lord," John replied, "though we were very surprised when we first found out. I must say we're still coming to terms with it."

He felt his lordship's eyes on him through the mirror. "But you're certainly happy at such terrific news."

John smiled a bit nervously; yes, of course he was happy – so very happy. But did he have a right to be, really?

"Oh, certainly," he answered at last, "It was a surprise, but an absolutely great one. Even though I wonder…" he hesitated, a bit unsure, but Lord Grantham had his gaze fixed upon him, "well, I do wonder if I'll be able to keep up with a small child, at my age. Anna is still very young, but I'm not the same as I used to be."

His lordship let out a warm chuckle. "Bates, don't put yourself down because of your age. I honestly think it'll be of no problem. I was young when we had the girls, and I so miss them when they were children. I see little Sybil taking small steps and I daresay I make a good job in taking care of her, when I do. And I'm a few years older than you, if I may say so."

John smiled at Lord Grantham's words, his resolves weakening, if only for a moment.

"Of course, my lord."

"And only a few years ago, when Cora was expecting again," he said quietly, though maintaining his light tone, "I was quite pleased. The idea of a baby around made me feel quite young again. I think, when you're older, you appreciate your children even more."

John certainly appreciated the idea very much; he truly never thought he'd have the chance to have a true family, especially after the way his marriage to Vera crumbled down. Anna had brought him love and hope, all those years ago, but he hadn't allowed himself to think this far down the road then, too afraid of what fate had in store for them. Now that this was happening, there was no escaping the happiness and concern that came along this news.

"I don't consider myself an expert in such subjects," his lordship started, bringing John back to reality, "but if I may give you a bit of advice on fatherhood, Bates, is that the best you can do for your children is to make sure their mother is happy. If you achieve that, I see no reason for you to worry."

John couldn't help the smile on his face as he processed the words.

* * *

He had arrived downstairs and couldn't find Anna around, having been told by Mrs Hughes Lady Mary had just woken up as well. It was unfortunate, but he needed to go to the village to run a few errands for his lordship, and he had a feeling Anna wouldn't be able to accompany him today. Resolute in having it done by noon, John left Downton Abbey, determined not to think about age matters or his incapacity somehow. His lordship had been right; he appreciated the advice very much, and he really couldn't wait to meet their child – to see it with his own eyes, to see a living piece of Anna and himself. He needed to tell Anna that – he needed her to know that he'd do his best to be there for her and for their child, as long as he could, as much as he could.

In the village, almost done with the errands, John looked at the shops and had even stopped by the book shop, knowing he had quite some free time before luncheon. He was not a much of a shopper, and was quite happy to be distractedly window shopping as he made his way back to Downton. An item in one of the stores caught his eye, though; he took a look at his pocket watch and decided he could spare a few minutes and stepped inside the shop – and purchased said item.

As he walked back to the house, his mood got considerably better. He instantly knew what Anna would say, if she knew about his mind's ministrations for the past few hours; she'd think him a fool, and would ease away his troubles almost immediately. He was glad he had managed to feel better about everything before talking to her – she didn't need foolish things troubling her. It was his ultimate resolve, to make Anna as happy and peaceful as he could, throughout this pregnancy and the rest of their lives together.

She had given him worried looks during luncheon and tea, but he unfortunately hadn't managed to talk properly to her. Despite telling her in rather rushed words that he was absolutely fine, he knew he had been distant enough during the morning to make her worry for the rest of the day. He had hoped to talk to her before dinner, but it was a very busy day in the house and it appeared that they both had a lot to do; even though they often managed to work side by side, it was much too difficult to do so alone, as Mr Molesley and Miss O'Brien were more often than not with them.

His lordship took his time in the evening, and Lady Mary was ready to bed much earlier than him, so John urged Anna to go home instead of waiting for him. She had argued, saying she would wait for him – his lordship couldn't be much longer, surely. Unfortunately, that had been the case. The seconds turned into minutes and soon half an hour had passed and when Anna yawned for the third time in a row, it was Mrs Hughes who told her to go home; the Dowager Countess was going home and the driver could give Anna a ride. Anna initially declined, but John insisted once more and she relented. He had done his best to smile and made her feel like he was in a good mood throughout the day, and she gave his arm a gentle squeeze before leaving. Her message was subtle, but he got it immediately: she'd want to talk when he got home.

His lordship rang for him seconds after Anna left the house, and Mrs Hughes had smirked amusedly at him before he went upstairs. Less than half an hour later, he was stepping inside their cottage, a warm feeling of freedom and familiarity suddenly engulfing him.

The living room was barely lit and he slowly made his way upstairs, knowing Anna was probably waiting for him. He seized the small package in his pocket as he slowly walked up the narrow staircase. Just as he had predicted, there was lighting coming from their bedroom and he slowly entered, appreciating the image his wife presented; Anna was standing in front of their bed, clad only in her undergarments, folding her clothes meticulously. She turned when she heard his steps and smiled.

"That didn't take very long," she commented, resting her hands on her hips.

"No, it didn't," he replied, taking his jacket off, careful not to drop the package that was held inside. He laid the jacket on the bed, ignoring Anna's exasperated look – he knew she hated it when he just put things anywhere – and walked over to where she was standing, kissing her softly on the lips.

She hummed softly and leaned against him, whatever clever retort she had been about to make dead on her lips. When he pulled away, he saw a slow smile forming on her face.

"So I take it you're not lying when you say that there's nothing wrong now, right?" she asked as he stepped away from her to take off his tie.

He nodded in agreement. "Quite right, love."

"But that doesn't mean there wasn't anything wrong _before_," Anna remarked.

John sighed; he hadn't really expected Anna to let it go. She was much too clever – and much too curious – for that. He started unbuttoning his sleeves and took a chance to look at her. She was clearly expecting him to say something; her hands were still on her hips and she hadn't yet moved to put on her nightclothes. He smiled.

"I bought something in the village this morning," he started slowly and saw Anna waver a bit in surprise. "I'll be honest and say I wasn't being myself earlier on. In truth, I was scared."

Anna frowned. "Scared?"

He moved his hands to his jacket's pockets and took the small package from it, revealing a small box wrapped in a red paper. Anna smiled and he handed the gift to her before sitting on the bed. She took the gift and trailered her fingers on it, before moving to sit beside him. She looked at him expectantly.

"Open it," he urged her, and she slowly tore the paper apart. "I was scared because I realised there are so many _– so_ many – things that could go wrong in the next months. I won't detail my thoughts because I don't want to worry about them anymore. Because that's what you would have told me, had I told you earlier what was troubling me."

She gave him a pointed look, all the while holding with slightly trembling fingers the small box, now unwrapped; she didn't ask any more questions – at least for the moment – and opened the box quietly. He smiled when he heard her suck in a breath upon seeing the present: a small, delicate, silver rattle. It was hardly something for Anna, really, but when he saw it from the street he almost immediately saw their baby's small hand holding it, making it rattle. Anna trailered her fingers above it; it had small flowers adorned on it, and three small spheres were suspended on the sides. Anna picked it up and they made a soft, tingling noise of silver against silver. Anna let out a giggle and looked at him with glassy eyes.

"I just… had doubts," he tried to explain, "concerning myself as a father. If I'd be able to… to provide for you, to be there for you. For the two of you," he added, and Anna smiled, "I was in the village this morning and I saw this. I know we haven't bought anything for the baby yet, but… I just saw it and I immediately thought of our baby. Of course it'll be a while before the baby will be able to properly hold it, but…"

"It's perfect," Anna interrupted, and he turned his gaze to look at her. Her voice wavered with emotion and he smiled, surprised to feel tears in his eyes as well. "I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. Do you know what that is?"

He wordlessly shook his head.

"I see a lovely, passionate man who will be a great father," she said resolutely, her free hand touching his cheek, "who already _is_ a great father. Please don't ever doubt yourself. Because I don't."

He pulled her into a soft, longing kiss and he wiped her tears away as she smiled weakly at him. He kissed her hairline lovingly as she rested her head on his shoulder and she shook the rattle again, once again letting out a laugh at its noise.

"I have a feeling we'll hear that noise a lot in a few months," John commented, and Anna giggled. "So much that you'll wish I had never bought it."

"I doubt that very much. It's the perfect present," she told him, then pulled away just enough to look at him. "Thank you."

"Well, the gift is not really for you," he teased, and Anna rolled her eyes at his words. "How are you feeling today?"

"Alright," Anna answered with a sigh, "Nothing out of ordinary."

"And is the baby…" he started, then took a deep breath. "Are you feeling the baby move today?"

Anna frowned ever so slightly, but smiled. "Yes, well, it comes and goes. I'm starting to get used to it. In fact," she put one of her hands on her lower belly and her face cracked into a brighter smile, "I can feel the baby right now. Do you… Do you want to feel it?"

Her tone was shy and he had to smile. Despite everything that had gone through his mind ever since the previous night, he wanted to be able to feel the baby again – the sparkle of life he and Anna had created together. He nodded and she shifted slightly on the bed, taking his hand and lowering the waistband of her bloomers just a bit. She rested his hand on some point of her lower belly and her skin felt delightfully warm beneath the palm of his hand. Before he could say anything, he felt it – the same slight thump he had felt in the previous night. He let out a chuckle and looked at Anna. She ran her fingers through his hair and her smile was the brightest he had seen in months.

He would try his best to take Lord Grantham's advice to heart – and for now, he thought he was doing fairly well, for his wife had never seemed so happy as in that moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** A new chapter for Christmas! Thanks so much for everyone who's read and reviewed so far. I'll reply to them as soon as possible. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter as well!

Merry Christmas!

* * *

"_Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind."_ Howard W. Hunter

* * *

Anna took a deep breath and sat down slowly beside Mrs. Hughes, weariness overpowering her. She sighed when she remembered that the day wasn't nearly half-over yet; her hands went out of habit to rest on her stomach. Even though the designs of clothing had helped her throughout the pregnancy, it was now very much clear that she was expecting a baby – that wasn't a surprise, of course, given that in less than two months her baby would be born.

Although it was still a bit odd to be so… big, in lack of a better word, Anna was used to it; John kept assuring her she was absolutely beautiful, though Anna sometimes found it hard to believe him. Still, it was a relief to be able to let go of corsets and to Anna it only meant that the baby was growing steadily healthy and everything would go smoothly once it was time for it to be born.

She turned to the table and opened her button box determinedly. Miss O'Brien eyed her as she worked; Anna made use of her free time and started mending a small white dress she had found years ago in her late mother-in-law's house. It had belonged to John, as he had vaguely told her it had been his christening's gown, according to his mother. It was very well preserved, and Anna thought it was just beautiful. It was adorned in delicate lace and its fabric was the softest thing Anna had ever touched. John had told her they should buy a new christening gown to the baby – he had even told her they should wait a bit before even thinking of the christening – but Anna would have none of it. She knew that her mother-in-law wouldn't have kept it if it didn't mean anything, and the fact that their baby would be christened wearing the very same small clothes her husband had was too endearing and sweet for her to forget. Still, the gown had been kept untouched for so long that it had needed a bit of mending after Anna had first washed it. A couple of buttons had loosened up, but nothing would change Anna's mind.

"Is that for the baby, Anna?" Ivy asked as she set the table for tea.

Anna smiled. "Yes. I hope we'll be able to use it for the christening."

"It's really beautiful," Ivy commented. "But what if the baby gets bigger than the gown? It seems so small."

Anna let out a small laugh, but before she could respond, Miss O'Brien got into the conversation.

"Then they'll just have to make the christening earlier, silly," she rolled her eyes.

"It's big enough, Ivy. I think it should fit the baby very well, when the time comes," Anna replied softly. "It'll still be very small for the first months."

Ivy seemed excited. "We can all visit you when the baby's born, can't we, Anna? You could come visit us too."

"Well, if Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson won't mind, I don't see why not."

"You'll see no objections from me," Mrs. Hughes smiled. "What are you doing with this gown, Anna?"

"I'm trying to embroider it the same way it was before, because it ripped just a bit when I washed it," Anna replied, "It's really small and no one will notice, but I just want it to be perfect."

They all worked in silence for the next few minutes, though Anna was having a bit of trouble at mending the small gown in front of her. It was only nearly ten minutes later, after several frustrated sighs, that she had managed to figure out the exact pattern of the lace in the gown. Just at that moment, however, hurried footsteps could be heard and the three women turned their heads to the door. Anna's heart sank when she saw Miss Elliot standing by the doorway and looking directly at her.

Anna dropped her needle. "What is it?"

Miss Elliot was the young, eager lady's maid Lady Mary had chosen for the moment; she was currently the third woman to try to occupy Anna's position, as for the past two months the others weren't suitable enough and hadn't pleased Lady Mary. Miss Elliot was Anna's – and especially John's – last hope, as soon Anna would have to leave. John was constantly saying Anna needed to leave soon, and if Anna was completely honest, she felt it was time for her to go. As much as she liked her job, it was getting more and more difficult to get things done, what with her mobility being quite a bit slower than it used to be. She was tired too, and her feet were constantly swollen by the end of the day. John noticed it all, and last week, when Miss Elliot arrived, he had been emphatic: for her own good, she'd have to tell Lady Mary she needed to go.

Still, it wasn't easy; as eager as Miss Elliot was, she was still very young and a bit inexperienced. Lady Mary wasn't nearly as understanding with her as she was with Anna. While it was difficult for her to replace Anna, who had been her maid for her whole life, Lady Mary was aware that things would change, and she had been nice enough to suggest that Miss Elliot would see to her during the day – and for that, Anna was glad.

Though, judging by Miss Elliot's look, that hadn't gone very well today.

"Mrs. Bates, her ladyship asked for you," Miss Elliot said helplessly, "I couldn't get her hair done the way she wanted."

Anna sighed tiredly and looked at the pretty gown in front of her with sad eyes; she wouldn't get this done today. Just as she put the gown away, however, Miss O'Brien reached for it.

"Alright, let me see if I can help you with this. But only this once," she said exasperatedly, gathering Anna's button box and focusing on the pattern of the gown.

Anna smiled as she stood up. "Thank you, Miss O'Brien."

She exchanged a shocked but happy look with Mrs. Hughes and started walking towards Miss Elliot.

"Let's go, then," Anna said, patting her expanded belly absentmindedly. "I'll show you how to do it again."

"I tried two times, but she would have none of it," Miss Elliot complained as they walked up the narrow staircase. "I don't think she likes me much."

"I'm sure she'll like you, in time," Anna said, trying to reassure them both of the fact.

Anna sincerely hoped Lady Mary would like Miss Elliot – sooner than later.

* * *

Anna found John in the parlour, sitting in his armchair by the fire. They hadn't seen much of each other during the day, what made Anna very glad that it was night already. She noticed two mugs on the small tea table and smiled as she entered the room, crossing her arms in front of her in an attempt to ease the cold. John looked up immediately and smiled brightly, putting his book away.

"You can keep reading, if you want to," Anna said, but he shook his head.

"I don't want to. Come here," he patted his left leg and reached for the mugs on the tea table. "I've made us some cocoa, too."

Anna went willingly, snuggling into him and accepting one of the mugs as his free arm was wrapped around her waist naturally. She let herself relax and felt him kiss her arm as she laced her fingers with his own, that were resting on her belly. She suddenly felt warmer, from the fire and probably even more so because of her husband's warmth against her. She sighed contentedly and took a sip of the cocoa. It tasted exactly the way she liked it.

"Feeling good?" He asked. Anna nodded as her fingers caressed his hand. "How are your feet?"

"Not very sore tonight. I did spend most of the day sitting," she told him, "I feel exhausted, though. I don't remember feeling this tired ever since… a few years ago. Miss Elliot has been having trouble with Lady Mary's hair. I've had to finish it every time today."

John frowned. "Why?"

"Lady Mary doesn't like the way she does it," Anna shrugged, then took a deep breath. "There's so much to be done. We need to get the baby's room all set."

"I told you I'd do that tomorrow and that's precisely what I'm doing. Don't you worry about it," he assured her softly. "You ought to tell Lady Mary you're leaving soon."

Anna nodded silently and took a sip of the cocoa. "I know. I don't want to leave, but I feel like I need to. But I don't think it's the right time yet. I'm still training Miss Elliot, and Lady Mary might not even stay with her…"

"It takes months to train a proper lady's maid, you know that," John said, "We don't have months."

Anna turned to him and smiled. "That we don't," she frowned, "Are you sure you'll be able to move the furniture around the nursery on your own? I don't want you doing that and then have your leg stiff for weeks."

"What have I always been telling you?" he asked her softly, "I can manage."

"Of course you can," Anna teased.

They exchanged a grin and Anna leaned down a bit, just enough to catch his lips in a quick, chaste kiss.

"It seems so surreal to think that soon the baby will be here," Anna sighed deeply. "I can't wait."

"We need to start thinking names," John said with a smile.

"We do, but it seems so odd to be thinking of names when we haven't seen the baby yet," she told him with a frown. "Without knowing if it's a boy or a girl, if it will have your nose or my mouth…"

"Let's hope it has your nose," John said decidedly, making Anna giggle. "Preferably your hair and your eyes. And your mouth too."

Anna rolled her eyes good-naturedly, "I'll have you know that I like your hair and your eyes very much. And your mouth too. So stop being so silly."

They stayed there, warm and comfortable together, for quite some time, talking about anything and everything. Anna absolutely loved such quiet moments; in fact, any moment shared with John was very much appreciated. She remembered when he had first arrived at Downton, when they were only friends. She already cherished his presence so much then. She supposed it hadn't changed that much, after all. They had always valued all the time they had together, but when he came back to her, for good, they valued these moments even more.

John's hand was drawing invisible circles on her nightgown, on top of her belly, which Anna found very soothing. She was having trouble finding a perfect comfortable position to stay in, but now she was sure she hadn't been this comfortable in weeks. The baby was quiet, thankfully; for the past days her child had been very good at targeting her ribs during the night, so Anna was grateful that everything was so peaceful. She was leaning more into her husband, so much that her head was resting on his shoulder. She could hear his even breaths but knew that he wasn't asleep already.

"I'll talk to Lady Mary this week," Anna said after a moment of silence. "I think I need to slow down a bit. And start preparing."

She felt John's smile against her ear. He shifted beneath her.

"Are you sure?" she noticed concern in his voice and turned to look at him. His smile was almost melancholic. "The last thing I want is for you to feel like this is an obligation, Anna. I know you'll miss your job…"

"No, I don't think it's an obligation," her voice was quiet when she interrupted him. "I'll miss Downton and everyone – and I will miss working with you, but I want to do this. I want to stay home and do everything in my power to make sure our child is fine. And it starts before the baby is born."

His smile grew brighter and she couldn't help but smile back; she hadn't been lying. Even though she'd miss everything terribly, and even though it'll be a huge change in her life and it will probably take a while for her to get used to it, she was very much ready. She should be grateful she was still working, so late on her pregnancy. Dr Clarkson had already told her she'd have to stop soon, and everyone was expecting her to leave at any moment. It was time; she'd leave service, after all.

Soon Anna couldn't stifle her yawns any longer and John promptly told her they ought to go to bed. She waited as he went to the kitchen to retrieve their mugs and caught his hand when he returned. Slowly, very slowly, things were changing. But Anna could only see them changing for the best.

* * *

Anna's breath was a bit shallow as she walked up the stairs of their cottage, the next day; she supposed she shouldn't have walked so fast from Downton. She paused to catch her breath before stepping into the spare room – the room that would be the nursery. Despite everything, she managed a smile when she saw John. She could help the exasperated look on her face when she realised he was climbing up a ladder, probably to replace the curtains.

"You shouldn't be doing that," she commented, and he turned to look at her with sheepish eyes.

"Almost all done now," John told her lightly, "Came to spy on my work?"

Anna grinned and looked around the small room. "Just for a bit. Miss Elliot seems to be drawing Lady Mary's bath the way she likes it, so I thought I'd stop by."

They had painted the room when they first moved in, over a year ago, but they had agreed on leaving it empty. They had talked about turning it into a small sitting room, perhaps a small library, in the future, but they both knew – and hoped – their plans could be changed. Now, the room was slowly becoming a perfect nursery. Luckily the baby hadn't caught them unprepared and Anna was very much satisfied with the furniture they had purchased. The matching cabinet and the crib were all set up, and Anna couldn't help but sigh at the sight of their baby's room, even though nothing was in its proper place. She could already envision herself sitting in the rocking chair with the baby in her arms.

"Are you feeling well, my love?" John asked concernedly, stepping out of the ladder. "You look a bit pale."

Anna walked further into the room and stopped by the crib, eyeing it appreciatively. She felt a bit dizzy, if she were honest to herself.

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired," she admitted. "Maybe I shouldn't have walked all the way here. I do feel a bit dizzy. And my back is a little stiff from last night. But otherwise I'm fine."

She took a deep breath as she finished speaking, and John was at her side almost instantly. It was getting a bit difficult to breathe too, but she wouldn't tell him that; it would make him too worried. Perhaps she should sit for a bit – that might help. She had been standing on her feet nearly the whole day. John always told her to sit whenever she could, but then she always had so much to be done. Her grip on the crib had been strong, but she felt it weaken by the second. She really was so tired.

"Anna, you should lay down for a bit," she heard John saying, but when she looked up at him she felt her vision blur and suddenly everything went dark.

The last thing she heard was him calling her name.

* * *

Everything was so bright when she opened her eyes again, Anna had to blink quite a few times to get used to it. When she managed to really look around, she realised she was in her own bedroom, in her own bed. The curtains were closed, but since it was obviously early, the room was incredibly lit up. She noticed she was wearing her sleep clothes instead of her working ones, and wondered what time was it. Looking at the clock on John's bedside table, she noticed it was only late-afternoon. Turning her head completely towards the door, she heard hushed voices from the hall. Her head hurt. Suddenly remembering what had happened, her hands reached her stomach, slowly drawing invisible patterns over it. As she awoke and became more alert, she could think of one thing to do.

"John?"

Her voice sounded weak even to her own ears, but the voices in the hall were silenced only a second later and soon John appeared by the door, a relieved smile erupting in his face when he saw her awake. He walked quickly to her side and caught her hand in his, kissing her palm tenderly.

"I'm so glad you're awake," he said softly, and his voice was carried with emotion.

"You gave us quite a scare, Mrs. Bates," Anna turned to see Dr Clarkson standing in the doorway, with Mrs. Hughes right beside him. She seemed worried, but they were both smiling at her.

Anna frowned. "What happened?"

"You fainted," John answered, the hand that wasn't holding hers stroking her cheek. "When we were in the nursery. Remember?"

Anna nodded, but her expression was still worried. "Is everything alright with the baby?"

"Thanks to your husband, yes," Dr Clarkson said softly. "If he hadn't been there to hold you before you fell, things would have been much more complicated."

"Your pressure is low," John explained, "which can be dangerous for you both. But if you rest, everything should be fine." He looked at the doctor for confirmation.

Dr Clarkson nodded. "You should drink a lot of water and stay in bed for a few days. I'd suggest extra care from now on. I'm afraid to say this means no working until the baby is born. We can't risk much at your age, Mrs. Bates."

Anna nodded. "But everything will be fine?"

"I see no reason why it wouldn't," Dr Clarkson said with a smile. "I'll come back tomorrow to check on you. Meanwhile, I'm sure Mr. Bates will serve as a good nurse."

John chuckled and looked at Anna. "I'll do my best," he averted his gaze to the doctor. "I'll see you to the door, Dr Clarkson."

Anna exchanged a faint smile with the doctor before he and John left the room. Mrs. Hughes was promptly walking towards her side of the bed with a cup of water in her hands.

"You heard what the doctor said," the housekeeper said, offering her the cup.

Anna sat up slowly in bed and accepted the cup, her throat feeling dry somewhat. The liquid was cold but refreshing, and she smiled.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes," she said sincerely.

"Mr. Bates was absolutely out of his mind when he arrived, asking if he could use the telephone to call Dr Clarkson. I have never seen a more frightened man in my life!" Mrs. Hughes said with a chuckle. "I have to speak to Mr. Carson, but I'm sure he won't oppose to Mr. Bates getting two or three days off to see to you."

They exchanged a smile.

"I'll talk to Lady Mary about what happened. I'm sure she'll understand. She'll have to," the housekeeper added kindly. "Miss Elliot seems to be doing better than the others did, anyway."

John returned then, a small smile on his face, but still looking a bit worried. Mrs. Hughes left them then, wishing Anna well and saying she'd come back in the next day. She refused to have John accompany her to the door and he seemed relieved when he sat back on the bed, leaning down to kiss Anna's forehead. He had unshed tears in his eyes and Anna couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I'm sorry," she told him quietly. "I should have left work weeks ago like you had told me."

He smiled. "No, it's not your fault. It doesn't matter. You'll just have to slow down now."

"Yes," she sighed, "I wish I could talk to Lady Mary, though. It feels odd leaving without saying goodbye."

"I'm sure they'll understand. And you can always stop by in a few days, when you're feeling better," he rested his hand on top of hers, "Then you can have a proper goodbye. They'll like that."

Anna nodded silently. John eyed her in worry.

"I think I'll make us some sandwiches. You must be hungry," he said, his voice soft and a bit shy. She had really made him worried. "Will you be alright for a few minutes?"

She smiled. "I can manage. It's not like I have permission to go everywhere."

He gave her a pointed look. "Behave."

Anna let out a small giggle and watched as he slowly left the room, giving her one more look before disappearing into the hall. She sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly. The day had come earlier than she had wanted to. So now she was officially not a servant anymore – after nearly twenty years – God, had it really been so long? –, she left service. Not in the most conventional manner, of course, but then she supposed it had been expected.

At least she had a very good reason for leaving.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Here it is, the last chapter! I really hope you have enjoyed reading this story - I'd absolutely love to know what you think of it, especially with this ending. Hopefully it'll make you happy. Thanks so much to Terrie, my editor, who also suggested the baby's name, and to everyone who has reviewed or followed this short story. Maybe we can hope for something like this to happen in the future for our favorite couple? :)

* * *

"_Aside from new babies, new mothers must be the most beautiful creatures on earth."_ Terri Guillemets

* * *

It was a rather beautiful day, when it happened. It had been John's half day off and Anna had been feeling quite tired and a bit blue; she had woken up early and complained about how little she had slept, due to an almost constant backache. When arriving home that afternoon, John had found her in the parlour, reading, but her expression wasn't an easy one. He had suggested they go for a walk, to enjoy the sunny weather outside. Anna had been hesitant at first, but eventually agreed that the exercise might do her good.

While in the past they had always taken slow walks around the village and in recent months around their cottage, they had always slowed down simply because of John's leg, depending on the day; today, however, Anna was the one slowing them down and with careful steps. Her grip was firm on his arm, and he didn't mind it one bit. As they walked silently down the road, he took a chance to admire his wife's soft features. She was wearing a light blue dress that fit her very well, even in pregnancy. She had been complaining about her size recently, and she'd often ask him how he could still love her when she looked like a balloon, but John just smiled. Anna had never been so beautiful.

In fact, he was absolutely sure he had never seen a more beautiful pregnant woman in his life. Not that he had seen a whole lot of them, of course, but neither Lady Sybil nor Lady Mary had seemed as glowing as Anna was – and despite how small she was, she seemed bigger than the others; Dr Clarkson had assured them that that was, in fact, a good thing. Their baby was apparently big, he had told them, despite Anna being a bit apprehensive over this. He had assured them the labour would go fine.

He watched as Anna observed the scenery before them, sunlight illuminating her features and her hair was sparkling gold before his eyes. Her free hand was stroking her stomach absentmindedly. After a couple of minutes, she turned to find him staring at her, a slow smile spreading across her face.

"What are you thinking?" she asked him.

"Can't a man admire his beautiful wife?" he asked her as an answer, and couldn't help but grin when a light blush blossomed across her cheeks. "I know you're tired and impatient, and you want to have the baby soon. But I swear I've never seen you more beautiful than you are right now."

Anna giggled happily, her cheeks still rosy, and shook her head at him. They stopped walking and he turned so he could face her. She laced her fingers with his.

"You're such a smooth talker," she said softly. "And I'm not impatient. If anything, I'm the most patient person walking on this earth. I waited for you, didn't I?"

John smiled. "And for that I'll be forever grateful."

He looked around briefly to check if there was no one near them before he leaned down to kiss her lips gently, and Anna's eyes were shining bright when he pulled away. She sighed contentedly and he couldn't stop his hand from resting on her belly; it had become a habit of his, to feel and talk to their baby whenever he could. He heard a sigh escaping Anna's lips and looked up alarmingly, but she seemed to be just inspecting their surroundings.

They were standing in some sort of clearing, not far from their cottage. It was particularly pretty today, with the memory of winter gone.

"We should have a picnic here in the summer," John commented. "You, me, and the baby."

Anna nodded. "We should. We haven't had a picnic since Scotland."

"Has it really been that long?" he frowned.

Anna arched her eyebrows at him with a smile. "A little over nine months."

He caught her eye and couldn't help but laugh at her implication. He still remembered how pretty and happy she was while dancing at the Ghillies' ball – dancing for him. To know that she smiled for him was too a great picture – the best of them, really. He vowed he would always make her very much happy, and seeing her at that ball looking so carefree and beautiful made his heart swell with love.

"We'll have to visit Scotland again," he found himself saying, "when the little one is older."

Anna smiled. "That would be nice – but not easy."

"Well, one day, when I leave service, it should be easier," he told her softly, "I did promise you when we were there that we would travel in the future. You should see the world."

Anna giggled. "Don't worry about it. I have all the world I need right here. Though I wouldn't complain if it did happen."

Anna snapped her hand away from him and he looked at her in worry as she massaged her back slowly.

"What is it?" he asked alarmingly.

"I'm fine, just… my back still hurts," she answered, cringing a little.

"We can go back now, if you'd want," John offered instantly.

Anna shook her head slowly and a faint smile appeared on her features. "No, it's fine. The pain comes and goes. All better now."

He protested a bit more, but Anna would have none of it. She reassured him that she was absolutely fine, and John knew better than to argue with her.

They had walked around a bit more, talking and laughing and he was glad that Anna seemed a bit more relaxed. He knew she was a patient woman, but the fact was that their baby was supposed to be born at the end of winter – and that had been precisely ten days ago. So he understood how agonising the waiting was. It was agonising for him – he could only imagine what Anna was feeling.

He knew she had trouble finding a comfortable position and she often complained about how many times a day she had to use the lavatory. At least the low blood pressure problem had vanished after a few days, but Dr Clarkson still wanted to make sure everything would be alright. Anna was anxious, he knew; she wanted to meet the baby and to have the baby in her arms and even though he knew she enjoyed pregnancy, she was anxious to get back to normal. But as it was, their baby seemed to be in no hurry.

They were on their way back to the cottage when he felt Anna's grip on his arm grow stronger. They stopped walking and he turned to her, intrigued and alarmed at once. Despite a few scares during the pregnancy, everything had run smoothly – so far. Anna's hat covered her face from him as she looked down, but his concern grew when he heard her erratic breathing. Leaning down further, he saw an expression of deep pain in her face. His heart skipped a beat. When Anna opened her eyes again, her eyebrows frowning in sudden worry, he understood – no words were needed. He nodded slowly, comprehending the situation. His mind suddenly went blank – what should he do? But as Anna tried to control her breathing and they exchanged a new look, a million things went through his mind. They needed to get home. Anna needed to be comfortable. He needed to get Dr Clarkson; should he go to Downton Abbey? Yes, definitely, he should warn everyone – he'd need to stay with Anna. She couldn't be alone.

The baby would be born, finally.

"Do you want me to try to carry you home?" John's calm voice wavered just a bit, showing off his nervousness instantly, but he needed to remain calm for Anna.

She shook her head. "Don't be silly, I don't want to hurt you," she said quietly, "And I can walk just fine."

He nodded silently – her warning tone prevented him from insisting. They weren't far off, at least; he slipped his arm around Anna's shoulder to give her some support and her free hand searched for his almost immediately. They arrived at the cottage not five minutes later, with little effort; despite Anna's grip on his hand being strong, she seemed to be in no pain. Her breathing was still erratic as he led her inside, though; his hands were shaking slightly when he reached to take her hat off. Anna let out a small giggle.

"John," she called him, and he turned his gaze from her hair to look at her face, "don't worry. It'll go just fine, you'll see."

His smile was a mix of desperation, love and relief; only his Anna could be so calm in such a situation. Only his Anna could keep focused and be so optimistic. He nodded wordlessly, and she helped him take the pins off her hair. He offered to take her upstairs but Anna stopped when they reached the first stair, in pain once again. But not a minute later she was already saying she was fine, that they needed to get her upstairs and then he needed to get Dr Clarkson. Her words were John's motivation and soon they reached the bedroom, where Anna sat on the bed almost instantly and he picked a nightgown for her to wear.

"I'll change clothes and you'll get Dr Clarkson," Anna told him softly, her voice as calm as ever.

He was hesitant to leave her, but they had no other choice. "Will you be alright on your own?"

She nodded. "As long as you get back here fast, I will."

He presented her with a nervous smile. "I'll go as fast as my feet allow me to." He kissed her forehead lovingly before gazing down. "And you, little one, don't you dare arrive before me."

Anna let out a weak laugh that he interrupted with his lips on hers before leaving the bedroom and the cottage; he didn't look back as he walked fast – as fast as his legs let him – but his heart was heavy in concern and fear of what was to come. This was the day that he had hoped and feared for the past months. This was the day where everything could go wrong – but it could also easily become the happiest of his life.

For once, he decided to think on the brighter side.

* * *

John was pacing. The hall had never seemed so small to him up until that moment. He heard an agonized moan coming from the bedroom and stopped walking, leaning against the wall for a moment. It was the first he had heard ever since he left Anna to go fetch Dr Clarkson. The pain seemed to have gotten worse.

He had arrived home not fifteen minutes later, thankful that his leg seemed to be very cooperating and with Mrs. Hughes in tow. She had insisted on coming with him, stating that Anna needed someone familiar in the room with her, and John wouldn't be allowed into the room, much to his own dismay. They had found Anna in bed, in her nightclothes and breathing rather hard, but she had let out a relieved smile upon seeing them. Five minutes later, though, Dr Clarkson arrived and John had been banished from the room while Anna was examined.

John took a deep breath, desperately wanting to help and do something, but he was aware no one wanted him to do anything. He was relieved when the bedroom door opened again and he rushed inside to Anna, taking little notice of Mrs. Hughes passing him into the corridor or the doctor there. Anna's face was sweaty and she was still breathing heavily, but she smiled when she saw him. He was at her side immediately and took her hand in his before kissing her palm. Her other hand was clutching to her stomach, and she was looking at Dr Clarkson expectantly.

"I was just telling your wife that everything seems normal, Mr. Bates," Dr Clarkson said. John turned to look at the doctor. "But I'm afraid this will take a few more hours."

"Hours?" John repeated. Dr Clarkson nodded.

"I'd say three or four hours. Maybe more. You'll have to brace yourselves," he warned, closing his suitcase. "The baby seems fine and in position, so I'm sure that when the time comes everything should run smoothly. I'll drop by in half an hour to see how things are going. Meanwhile, we just wait and try to make Mrs. Bates as comfortable as she can be."

John nodded, caressing Anna's forehead absentmindedly. "Would it be better if we went to the hospital? In case there's any… complication?"

The doctor shook his head. "I don't see any indication that there might be any complication, Mr. Bates. Your wife is healthy and the pain she's feeling is completely normal. Your home is the best place she can be at the moment."

Dr Clarkson gave them a smile before leaving with the promise to come back soon with a nurse; John turned to his wife and she offered him a smile.

"Are you alright?" he asked her softly.

Anna nodded. "Yes, it's gone now. And it will be for a little while."

"I wish there was something more I could do."

Anna took a deep breath and smiled brighter at him, bringing her free hand to smooth his hair.

"You're here. That's all that will ever matter," she told him in a quiet but assuring tone.

He smiled down at her, once again, as always, proud of his wife, of her strength and her will.

Mrs. Hughes arrived then, with a gentle smile and a bowl of water and towels. As she put them on the nightstand next to Anna, John grabbed one of the towels to dry Anna's forehead, trying to be as gentle as possible. Anna closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and gazing at the housekeeper.

"Thank you for being here, Mrs. Hughes," Anna said softly, "You didn't have to."

He knew Anna meant every word; he knew how much she cared for the older woman, and he knew how important it was to have another woman around in times like this; he knew Anna's bond to the housekeeper was a strong one, especially after her mother's passing a few years ago, and he more than anyone appreciated Mrs. Hughes' presence today. He had a feeling he'd need a friendly face later on, when he'd be banished permanently from the room until the birth of his child.

"I'm only here to help, Anna," he heard Mrs. Hughes say, but he didn't take his eyes from his wife. "I have a feeling you might be a bit helpless in such a situation, and I'm glad to be of some use."

John knew Mrs. Hughes was specifically talking of him, especially in the way Anna laughed after she said those words. He had heard men were incredibly helpless in these situations, so maybe that was what Mrs. Hughes had been trying to say in that sentence. He didn't mind; he only wanted to make sure Anna would be fine. That was all he cared about – Anna, and the baby.

* * *

John waited outside the room impatiently; Dr Clarkson seemed to have everything under control, but he couldn't help but worry. He had asked John to leave the room for a moment so that he could examine Anna again and make sure things were progressing. The three hours the doctor had first mentioned had come and gone and Anna's agony only seemed to increase by each minute. Five hours into this and Anna's groans of pain were quickly becoming more and more frequent and they had been assured this was the natural way of progress, even though he couldn't help but cringe every time he heard Anna's pain.

He was in the middle of cringing at a particular loud moan when Dr Clarkson opened the door and stepped out to meet him. He didn't like the expression on his face.

"What's the matter?" John asked, immediately alarmed.

Dr Clarkson waited for Anna's moan to subside before speaking. "She's made a lot of progress in the past fifteen minutes. But I'm afraid I made a mistake in saying that the baby was in the right position."

John frowned as the doctor's words sunk in. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not completely sure," Dr Clarkson started, "but I think, and forgive me for putting it this way, Mr. Bates, that the baby's head isn't in the right direction. If it's tilted, as I think it is, your wife will unfortunately suffer a long and painful labour."

John nodded in understanding, cringing ever so slightly upon thinking of what was yet to come.

"Can I see her?" he asked, a bit uncertain.

The doctor consented and John opened the door quietly. Anna was panting heavily and he could detect a few tears in her eyes from where he was standing. Mrs. Hughes left her side when she saw him and he heard her mutter a quick word for the nurse to step out for a few moments. Anna seemed relieved to see him and managed a weak smile, which he returned.

"Hello," he greeted her, trying to remain as calm as possible. He walked towards her and sat on the chair by the bed. She reached for his hand and he squeezed hers ever so slightly. With his free hand, he traced the side of her face, trying to sooth her as much as he could. "I really wish I could do something."

"You can. You can go out and get a bit of fresh air," she took a deep breath, "and wait. Have you eaten anything? It's already so late."

He smiled. Of course she'd worry about him; only Anna could be in the middle of giving birth to his child and still worry about him.

"Mrs. Hughes wants me to go to Downton to give everybody some news and eat something. But I'm not hungry."

She shook her head resolutely. "No, you should go. Mrs. Hughes won't allow you in here for some time anyway. Dr Clarkson tells me it'll take longer than normal. Has he told you that?" At that, he nodded. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop the concern cross his features and Anna seemed to understand it almost immediately. "I'm not worried. I know it'll all go well."

She was interrupted by sudden pain again and squeezed his hand tighter, so much that after a few seconds he didn't feel his fingers anymore. He heard her agonizing groans and more than ever felt so very helpless as in that moment. After a few seconds, her grip on his hand weakened and she opened her eyes again. She smiled weakly at him.

"You know me," she said softly, "I'm a trooper. I'll be fine. And if our baby is anything like us, he or she will be too."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead lovingly.

"Go to Downton. Tell everyone I'm alright," she told him, "The baby won't be born in the next hour. Spare yourself a few minutes and have something to eat, please. It's all I ask of you."

"You're too good to me," he told her, not able to hide the emotion in his voice.

Anna let out a laugh. "John Bates, don't you start that now," she sighed. "Will you do that for me?"

John nodded slowly. He couldn't say no to her.

"I'll be back soon," he whispered before leaning down to kiss her lips gently one last time.

* * *

It was already past midnight and he couldn't believe they were more than eight hours into this. And John still paced – this time, in the parlour downstairs, after Mrs. Hughes banned him from the upper floor because of his constant knocking on the door. He had gone to Downton and had dinner, even though he barely ate; it did distract him a bit, though not much, as everyone wanted news about Anna and the baby. He had been almost attacked by Ivy and Daisy for details, but everyone seemed either curious or concerned, especially with the history of recent births in Downton. Upon returning home, he was rather surprised to see Lady Mary there. She had paid Anna a quick visit and left, assuring him everything would go smoothly. It did not diminish his fears, though.

He felt a stab in his heart every time he heard Anna's groans, and he couldn't help but think that in a way he was the sole cause of it. Her loud moans of pain were becoming far more frequent by the hour, and every time he found himself cringing at them, trying not to think of the pain his wife, his beautiful, gentle, kind wife, was suffering in that very moment. Dr Clarkson came down every now and then, sometimes confident, sometimes exasperated, and lately tired more than ever. He even suggested John sat down for a drink, to calm his nerves, but to that John politely declined.

If he were honest to himself, he needed a drink. And a cigarette. But luckily he had enough self-control to not think twice about it; if his wife had to suffer so much for giving birth to his child, he could very much stay sober and go through this agonizing waiting by himself.

He had not heard Mrs. Hughes' quiet steps until she was in front of him, as Anna's moans prevented him from focusing on anything else. He had looked at her with a hopeful look on his face, and she had shaken her head with a gentle smile.

"Anna's doing very well, according to Dr Clarkson," she had told him, "but it should take another hour."

"How is she?" John muttered, stopping his pacing but not quite willing to sit. He couldn't remember a day when he spent so much time standing up such as today; if Anna were here she would have him sitting down hours ago.

"As well as she can be," the housekeeper sighed. "She's tired, but somehow she still has the necessary strength so far. You know Anna," they shared a knowing smile. "You should sit, Mr. Bates, and have a cup of tea. To calm your nerves."

John shook his head. He had tried drinking some tea hours before, with no luck; he couldn't focus. All he heard was Anna and the knowledge that this still wasn't over wouldn't make him relax. No, he would only calm down when he saw Anna again, safe and sound.

Mrs. Hughes returned to the bedroom and John once again found himself alone. He started pacing again. It was difficult not to, really; his thoughts were focused on Anna and the baby. He just wanted it to be over soon – and he was certain the only person who was wishing this more than he did was Anna. He had absolutely total faith in her, but it was hard not to worry. So many things could go wrong, and yet everyone told him not to worry. Of course he'd worry; the lives of his wife and child were at risk. He'd be at fault if he did not worry.

It sunk in, quite suddenly, as he finished this line of thought. His child would finally be born and be a part of their lives, even more, much more than before. The baby would depend on them completely, and they'd be parents – he and Anna would be parents. His whole existence would change after tonight, no matter what the outcome would be, John was sure of that. He grew anxious. Would they have a son, or a daughter? He and Anna had talked about this before. Neither of them minded. But now, at this moment, he grew curious. They would know soon.

A loud groan made him jump ever so slightly. God, this needed to be over soon. He was worried about Anna – how tired she must be. He wondered, not for the first time, if he could be a good father, if he could make his child happy, but put these thoughts away, thinking about how many times Anna had told him to stop thinking too much. She was right; she was always right.

He chanced a look at the clock next to the fireplace. It was nearly one in the morning. John took a deep breath, tiredness overcoming him as well. Anna's moans were getting louder. He sat down dejectedly. God, he had never felt as useless as he had in the last few hours. How he wished he could have done something more than wait. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, the weight of an extremely tiring and worrying day overpowering him. He let out a groan when he heard a particularly loud moan coming from upstairs. Poor Anna. He waited for the moan to subside closing his eyes. After a moment, he realised it hadn't. His eyes shot open, and he could still hear moaning.

His hands stopped in front of his mouth, anxiousness all over his face. He was alert once again. And then, suddenly, the moaning stopped again. And after a moment of silence, a quarter of a second, he heard it.

A baby was crying.

_Their_ baby was crying.

He stood up, more nervous than ever. The baby was still crying. He heard voices – hushed voices. He was desperate to know what was happening. The crying stopped; he hadn't yet calmed himself down. He desperately wanted to walk upstairs and see Anna, and see their baby – he needed to know that they were both safe, both fine.

The waiting now seemed more agonizing than ever. The seconds never passed by so slowly as in those next few minutes. The ticking of the clock was loud against his ears. He ran his fingers through his hair in an exasperated manner. God, what was going on? Why hadn't anybody come down to talk to him? He heard the distinct sound of a door opening and his heart skipped a beat. As the sound of footsteps grew closer, he found _it_ hard to breathe. And when Mrs. Hughes entered the parlour with a bright smile on her face – that was his cue to smile.

"Congratulations, Mr. Bates. You have a beautiful baby," she told him, and he noticed her eyes seemed a bit glassy.

He nodded, closing his eyes in relief, but opening them instantly. "And Anna? How is Anna?"

"She's very well. Tired, but very well," Mrs. Hughes added.

* * *

His hands were shaking when Dr Clarkson came down a minute later; the doctor and the nurse congratulated him, but no further details were given, despite their claims that Anna was very well. They talked for a bit and John paid them, before excusing himself from the parlour.

Relief was still flooding through his veins. Anna was fine. The small walk up the stairs to their bedroom seemed to go on forever, and his heart skipped a beat when he reached the bedroom door, left open. From the spot he was standing, he could see Anna. His breath caught in his throat. She was fine. She was sitting in the middle of the bed, surrounded by pillows. Her braid was a bit loose and she was looking down at the bundle in her arms. She smiled, but hadn't seen him yet, so entranced as she was. He saw a tiny hand holding one of her fingers, and he was suddenly overcome with emotion.

John took a tentative step forward. The windows were open but the room still held a faint smell of birth in it, if that's what he'd call it; Anna turned her gaze from the bundle in her arms and looked at him. Never in his life had he seen a more beautiful sight. Locks of hair fell across her face and her eyes had never shone brighter than in that moment. Her smile grew wider when she saw him. He smiled back.

"There you are," Anna said softly, shifting just a bit. The tiny hand that had been holding her finger waved against the air just a bit. He was mesmerized. "Come and meet your daughter, John."

A daughter. His smile grew wider. They had a daughter. This was real. He stepped further into the room, not quite yet believing this was real. He leaned his cane against the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to Anna, careful to do so slowly. His leg relaxed almost immediately; he hadn't realised he had been so tense before.

Anna turned to him, but for the first time his eyes were focused on someone else. There, all bundled up in his wife's arms, was their daughter. She was a tiny little person, he decided, smaller than he thought she would be. Almost no hair, he noticed, and the little that she had was very light; he had a feeling she'd take after her mother. Wide dark eyes were looking at him, as if inspecting him as much as he was inspecting her. She had a tiny, so tiny button nose and chubby cheeks and her tiny little mouth opened in a yawn. He and Anna laughed.

"Anna… she's beautiful," he whispered in adoration, looking at his wife. Anna was looking at their daughter and he could now see the trace of tears and sweat on her face. He was suddenly overcome with emotion. Shifting so that he was sitting even closer to them, he kissed his wife's temple lovingly. "I'm so proud of you. Thank you."

Anna turned her gaze to him, her smile never leaving her face. "No. Thank you," she said instead, her eyes full of unshed tears, "This just… made it all worth it. Everything. I'd do it all over again, you know."

He leaned down and captured her lips in a deep, sweet kiss. He knew she was talking about more than the birth of their child, and he understood – and agreed. Completely, absolutely. They pulled away and Anna looked at him with teary eyes – he was sure he mirrored her image. He gazed at their daughter again. Her curious eyes were looking at Anna now. Her fists were waving and Anna caught one of them, making the baby stop wriggling and gurgle softly.

"Dr Clarkson said she was big for a newborn," John commented, "but she's so small."

"She didn't feel very small to me, you know," Anna snorted, but her features softened after a moment, "She's perfect."

He let out a chuckle. "That she is."

Anna eyed him in curiosity and shifted a bit. "Do you want to hold her?"

John gulped silently, eyeing the baby with trepidation. Wouldn't he hurt her? Anna seemed so natural holding the baby, but then he had never expected anything else. Would he know how?

"Can I?" he asked in worry.

Anna giggled softly. "Of course. It's time she met her papa properly."

Slowly, Anna passed the baby to his arms. He was sure he was clumsy as he felt the baby's light weight settle in his arms; Anna helped him find a good way to hold her and as he had finally relaxed, a small cry escaped the baby's lips and he looked at Anna alarmingly.

"Shh," Anna whispered and the baby stopped just for a second before another small cry pierced their ears. "Talk to her, John, she'll know your voice."

He looked at the baby, who was now wriggling her hands and feet rather impatiently. A bit uncertain of what to say, John took a deep breath.

"Hello," he offered in a whisper, glad that the baby had at least stopped crying. Anna let out a chuckle at his word. "I got you now. I know I'm not Mummy, but I'll do my best."

Anna shook her head at him, but he was otherwise occupied to think about what he had just said. Their daughter had stopped wriggling and was now settled in his arms, apparently in content. He reached for one of the baby's tiny fists and couldn't believe how soft her skin was. She opened her hand then, and held onto his finger. He smiled.

"She has your strength," he commented as Anna rested her head against his shoulder. He heard her laughing.

"She needs a name," she said as she gently touched their daughter's cheek. The baby girl yawned again.

"We've talked about that before," John started, looking at his wife.

"She doesn't look like a Catherine," Anna stated.

He pursed his lips. "No, she doesn't."

They spent quite a few minutes without talking, just appreciating the new person in their lives; the baby drifted off to sleep not a minute later, and John smiled when she pursed her tiny mouth in her sleep. She had Anna's lips. She was perfect.

He couldn't help but think of how much they'd gone through to reach this point in their lives – and still, in such a moment, he could only remember the happy moments they had spent together, especially in the recent months. Never in his life had he imagined that the kind housemaid who offered him a friendly smile when he had first arrived at Downton Abbey would be the mother of his child. So much had happened since then, and now – now they were parents to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

"What do you think of Bonnie?" he found himself suggesting.

"Bonnie? Bonnie Bates," Anna repeated, as if trying out the words. "I like it. Where did you get it from?"

He smiled. "My mother. She liked the name. It means 'pretty'."

Anna looked at him with a smile. She looked tired, but he didn't think he had ever seen her as happy, as beautiful, as content as in that moment.

"I like it too," Anna admitted. "Do you think she can be a Bonnie?"

He nodded slowly. Anna's smile grew wider.

"Then a Bonnie she is."

He kissed Anna's forehead gently. "I love you."

"I love you too," was Anna's reply.

It was easy, so easy to fall into this sweet, gentle silence with their child sleeping in his arms. They watched as she moved and gurgled and laughed when a little frown appeared on her tiny features. It seemed quite unbelievable that she was finally here, with them; their own small miracle, proof that they had won and overcome the many difficulties life had thrown at them. He hadn't thought he'd ever fall in love with anyone else as long as he lived, but this tiny little creature changed his certainty the moment he saw her. Bonnie Bates was only a few hours old, and she already had her father wrapped in her little finger.

And he didn't mind it one bit.


End file.
